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Friday, September 23, 2011

Online Dating Do's and Don't's

In this technological age it is rather hard to conventionally meet people without using the means which advancements in mobile computing and electronic communication has provided. Also, if you are out of college or is a busy individual with work and other matters, online dating is indeed the next best thing in terms of convenience.

Given all the aforementioned statements, below is a few tips in conquering the virtual bar scene sans alcohol.

Profile Pictures

Please avoid myspace angles. This is a must, if you are overweight simply embrace that fact, don't try and shy away from it because there is always someone out there that is a chubby chaser. Be confident in yourself and do not try to be a picture charlatan and trick others into thinking that somehow you are a true reflection of your body type selection of "athletic and toned" when in reality you carry a few extra pounds, or tons. There is nothing wrong with that and as a plus you are being honest with others and yourself more importantly. If you are that embarrassed of yourself then please go on a diet and shed some pounds to then subsequently post pictures of your newer improved self on your online profile.

Keep pictures of friends and "guy/girl" friends out of your profile as well. No prospective winker or e-mailer wants to see your friends or a guy/girl that you hang out with or hung out with at some point in time (no one likes an attention whore). If you think you look really good in one of those moments, crop yourself out please. Otherwise, you should always be the focus of attention. Clear shots only and refrain from using far away shots as well. I should not need to use the zooming function of my computer like a creeper to be able to spot you amongst the wilderness.

Pictures are for better or for worse typically the first thing people look at in someone's profile. Do not try and fool others into thinking that you are interested in what the person has to say first. Unfortunately, we live in a world where materialism is still important in first impressions. Therefore, make the pictures good! Oh, and if you have slutty pictures on your profile do not then complain that you receive dirty e-mails from older men or women and weirdos. That is the definition of a hypocrisy boomerang. Keep it classy. If you feel the need to show skin, do so in an orderly fashion (e.g.; a simple beach picture).

Here is a concise run down for pictures on profiles:

1. Pictures of yourself only. No one is looking to date your dog, family or friends. If they're so important to you, keep them confined to your profile text.

2. No far away shots, the scenery isn't supposed to be the focus of the picture as no one is interested in dating the Italian Alps, Australia's Gold Coast or San Francisco.

3. No Myspace angles.

4. Front and side shots with smiles or no smiles. This shows both your serious side as well as your happy side.

5. A mandatory full body picture. Whatever selection of body type you choose must be confirmed by the viewer. I set up a meeting with a particular female who is supposed to be tall and slender, yet when arriving at the scene all that is found is either Shamu or a female version of Frodo Baggins.

6. More than one or two pictures please! Otherwise, be willing to exchange more at a later date.

Profile Content

All of you scribes out there please do not write a 5,000 word introductory text. You are not declaring the independence of a nation or trying to filibuster some law from taking effect in Congress with your profile text. Keep it short, interesting and to the point.

Here is a good overall check:

1.Who you are

2.What you're about

3.What matters to you

4.What are you looking for in a partner
Boom, done. No more, no less. If you like to read that's great, but no one needs to know about your 12 volume collection of encyclopedia Britannica.

If you feel the need to write about your entire life, write a biography, not a profile description. Yes, write about how you grew up in some village in the Ukraine and rowed a boat all the way to the United States while evading Somalian Pirates (is such a thing even possible.gif). No one will really take the time to read a "long wall of text" profile. Ergo, make some sentences pop out so that when the viewer is skimming through your text the important things that you want to convey jump out at them.

Use wits and charm because these two ingredients when combined form the ultimate potion for attraction. Catchy lines and humor are a major plus. Everyone loves a good laugh so try to provide it. Especially if you are going to make them suffer through the story of your childhood life in Chechnya.

Point out what it is that you are specifically after so that those who do not meet your criteria don't bother you. Of course, this will not keep all interested parties away, but it does serve its function to some extent. If you aren't interested in dating Martians, please emphasize that fact so that Marvin does not waste his time writing you an e-mail about how he knows Duck Dodgers and works for Warner Brothers making ridiculous dough which is why he owns a penthouse at Olympus Mons.

In short, keep it interesting, exciting and concise. If someone wants to know more about you, they can e-mail you and ask questions.

E-mail exchanges and Banter (and Winks)

Alright, there is such a thing as a "wink" function on Other sites also have a similar option that may be called something different. However, for brevity's sake let's focus on only one of them as it should suffice to explain its proper use.

A wink should be sent to someone if you are out of any creative ideas for e-mails or want to make sure that the person will wink back thus providing a "green light" for further exchanges (i.e.; e-mails). Winking can however come off as a lazy approach to start any form of communication with another user. Often times winks can go unanswered due to the irritable nature of users who get "winked at" a lot.

In short, use winking at the appropriate time. You may also combine it with a follow up e-mail. Separate yourself away from the generic herd and e-mail the user if you are really interested in getting to know them. Try to avoid winks as much as possible. If you get winked at and is interested in the person, please respond with an e-mail and not another wink. Have you ever stopped and actually visualized what this would look like in a real life scenario? Yeah, it would look very stupid. If someone winks at you at a bar, you typically smile and approach the person. If you wink back and do not approach them, you will come off as a weirdo. A wink is a welcome and not a medium of communication.

E-mails can be tough. Coming up with something creative to say is unfortunately not everyone's forte. Therefore, the trick to sending a fun-mail and not just an e-mail is to find something unique about the user in his or her profile. Be it something found in the introductory text, perhaps an interest that you both share, a picture that can be made fun of in a subtle, but witty manner and a variety of other things. The receiver will usually appreciate this as it truly differentiates you from the rest. It shows that you took the time to read and find out about the person in whom you are interested. This type of e-mail is guaranteed to receive a response. If you don't get a response, then get the hint. Leave that user alone, freak.

Once initial e-mails have been exchanged and the banter is good, it is time to graduate to other modes of communication. Move on to either AIM chat (Marty, it's time to get to the DeLorean and go all the way back to 1998), Facebook, Text Messaging or regular good old phone conversations (rotary phones need not apply). At this point in time, you're on your own.

I hope this helps all you hopeless cybermantics out there. I'm gone.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I wish Hugo was my Boss

Well, winter is almost upon us. Especially for those Nordic and northern European countries that freeze over for several months of the year. This leads me to Germany, home of my favorite brand of clothing. Its very name connotes ownership in an industry with many rivals, Hugo Boss.

Sure they have somewhat of a dark past being the "supplier of Nazi uniforms since 1924" as Hugo himself claimed. Fortunately, this tie to one of the most fascist, totalitarian and evil regimes in the world is past history. I don't hold grudges, even being Jewish.

I was in awe after seeing their new ad campaign for 2011. Never in a period of a couple of minutes have I witnessed so much exceptional fashion sense and experienced so much want. The outfits are intense, bold and strong. The female model is absolutely the very definition of the word sexy. Not to take away anything from the male models either, the whole ensemble was perfectly picked.

Just wanted to stop by and drop this off...


Monday, September 12, 2011

The Week: A short Take-off Story.

Monday: The Take off, the start of a new week.
Tuesday: The Ascent, the second stage is at hand.
Wednesday: The De-coupling, the booster rockets are no longer needed.

Thursday: The Cruise to the final push, the last drop of fuel is used.
Friday: The Break-through, the passing of the atmosphere, leaving behind all the stresses of the take-off process.

Saturday: The Orbit, the aimless cruising, time to float freely and rejoice in the lack of gravitational constraints.

Sunday: The Descent, Monday's gravitational pull begins to make its presence felt as the restraints of it is quickly felt in the bumpy ride back to the surface. Only to repeat it ad nauseam.

Have a nice week ;)

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Uncomfortably Well Dressed

Many ask me if I am comfortable, too hot, too constricted and a plethora of other random inquiries regarding my attire whenever I am out on the town. At times others seem to be genuinely curious to know how one can dress like me and be cozy.

The answer to this is very easy, habit. At first dressing up may take some trial and error, but everyone confidently finds their stride at some given point. Like riding a bike, you will fall off a few times and have to start over. Luckily in this example no one is getting injured except maybe your ego at times. Regardless, do not fret, this period of instability is short lived and long term rewards are perpetual.
Once you start getting used to dressing well for all occasions (be it casual or formal), your body will naturally adapt to the articles of clothing which you are bearing. That uneasiness which was ostensibly displayed by your body language when first getting used to a new style, gradually fades into the outward natural confidence of a body that has settled into a new and improved exterior.
Many of you are afraid of changing your style at the expense of being laughed at or made fun of for trying something completely outside of your dressing norm. You might be accused of trying too hard to impress someone, looking like a gender not of your own (applies to guys only) and many other lines which are uttered by jealous types who wish they had the ability and honesty to face the fact that they dress as if they were still occupying dorm rooms at their Universities, where flip flops, cargo shorts and loose shirts with college baseball caps were the usual.

March forward with courage on your new endeavor and ignore those trying to bring you down because of envy. Go on, dress to impress. Like a Boss.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Toight like a Toyger!

This post is based entirely upon an opinion that I have regarding the way some females tend to dress these days.  When hanging out around town you can quite often see a myriad of interesting outfits and ensembles that at times boggle the mind and makes you wonder why a cast member from La Nouba decided to hit the clubs on a work night.

It is unfortunate to see so many combinations of ruffles, colors, patterns and everything else in between.  Females must realize that those things do nothing but for the most part distract us guys from their own natural features, analogous to a nice imported sedan with all the bells and whistles with custom wheels and paint job.  Although it may add to the car, it detracts from its original features.

In this case though I believe that all these added distractions do not complement the female one bit.  I want to see their face, their smile, eyes, hair and figure.  If you are fit, please do not wear loose dresses and clothing.  Is it fashionable to do so?  Sure, I believe it can be, but it doesn't accentuate any curves and instead it looks like MC Hammer's closet was raided; two words: Parachute pants.

Therefore, if you are a girl, an attractive one...keyword being "attractive", do yourself a favor and wear solid colors with as little patterns as possible.  If you do decide to wear a mix of colors, make them subtle.  Ronald McDonald may be popular, but it's not because of his fashion sense.  Use tight fitted dresses or clothes themselves that outline the divine work of art that a woman's well designed body can be.  After all, you had the best architect ever.